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Nice piercing..



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Make Rain…

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It’s Been A While…

It’s been a while and life is different now since my last post on 15th August mum has died she died on 17th September 22:52 ….

So now I have no one to care for and this is kinda of hard for me I think although I did get down while looking after mum I miss the whole caring role.

I am glad I took the oppourtunity to retire from work last year and spend that time with mum, we had some real good times going out for lunch and laughing.

Its just over two months and I know when it first happend I had so much to deal with it made me go on to auto pilot.

Now tho… I can cry at the drop of a hat … well not quiet just going to the shops is a bit of a trauma especially as its so near to Christmas… I have put up 2 christmas trees but wont be sending many cards just a few…

I have lots of good days and can think very positivley about what the future holds but when i start to feel sad and cry it is like the most massive of black clouds descends and takes everything away just left with sadness and a big hole missing in my life….



A Transition

So I sit down to eat… A steak with green beans fyi…

I am quiet looking forward to it just cooked how I like it .. by me

I suddenly burst into tears there is some thing on telly that sets it off a program called Nanny 911.

The mother is talking to child and saying we are going through a transition that will be hard for both of us….

I realise that’s what’s going on with me and mum a big transition …

Her comode arrived to day for downstairs… She is currently upstairs and I am her 24 hr nurse to assist with bathing food visits to loo etc… I help her to eat by feeding her… She fell u see on Monday and hurt her coxixs and can’t come downstairs .. she has lost interest in reading the daily routine and doesn’t want to listen to the radio.

I am now a full time as in 24hrs a day carer I can’t go far just up to shops… I hope to make it to the gym on Friday… Idk if I will.

The caring for a parent solely is incredibly hard and draining I am tired by 7pm and have been woken several times in the night to sort out hot drinks and hot water bottles.

There is no break away… Social services will provide aids the doctor has provided pain killers … But mum still needs to be looked after.

An assesment needs to be done so that a more supportive care package can be put together but this will not happen for 4-6 weeks…

This is a transition that is not at present positive for me I have been looking after mum but now it is ramped up to the point of going out cannot be considered … 40 mins yesterday and that was to the shops to buy food … It felt fab.

This is for someone who has been in fulltime work in a high powered area of work able to go out and enjoy life…

I would strongly recommend anyone thinking of taking on the care of an elderly relative make sure they are willing to give up everything before taking on the role… And that includes for instance a trip to London to see a football match in a pub…

Transition can cause a whole heap of emotions feelings and sense of loss of independence which can be very detrimental even sole destroying……





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Stronger | Seattle Childrens Hospital (by rumsssauce)



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This is a song I wrote that I don’t think will ever make a record but it’s a sweet little tune. So I will share it here in hopes that y’all can enjoy it. It’s a demo made quickly in my bedroom .

I hope to one day make a CD that’s filled with a bunch of “I Didn’t Make It” songs that were recorded in exactly the same vein. Not because I plan to get rich off of them but because I write in so many varied styles that it’s hard to put out an album with every song I write.